10. Refrain from poking yourself in the eye with a skeyer. PUT IT DOWN! You may scream very loud, if you wish. There. I feel better, too.
9. Don't jump to conclusions and scream at the children. It might not be there fault. Especially if your husband works for UPS, where they used black, oil-based crayons to write on stuff.
8. Wd-40 works well(ish) for (kinda) removing black crayon from brand new shorts I bought for my hubby. Be sure to apply plenty of Wd-40 to affected area and then follow with Dawn dish liquid and let sit for 10 minutes or so. Then wash clothes in super hot water about a hundred times, removing black ring around the top of the dryer with Windex after every wash. Do not be surprised when, after the gazillionth time the clothes are washed there is STILL a ring in the washer. It's alright. SURELY, that MUST'VE been the last ring.
7. Unless you are a Cirque de Soleil acrobat, do not attempt to use toothpaste to remove crayon caked on in the dryer. It's painful and it could've used a lot more flexibility on my part. I did see it on a website somewhere, where the victim of melted crayon caked onto dryer got the drum squeaky clean. I'm convinced there wasn't a three year old trying to kiss her arm the whole time. And that she could bend herself in a complete circle. Windex worked okay-ish. Black crayon still got on my next load of sheets. But just a little. I'm not a perfectionist.
6. The smell of WD-40 in overwhelming amounts smells like your house will blow up. It hasn't yet. I'll let you know tomorrow.
5. Do not yell too much at your husband who accidently left a UPS crayon in work shorts. Especially if he's been up since 3 am. And especially if you've mentioned several times and he helps try to get the stains out. Getting irritated with him only makes him grouchy. Nagging does, too, just for the record.
4. Remind yourself, yet again, that you should always check pockets before you put pants in the washer. And then double-check before putting them in the dryer.
3. Caked-on crayons that melt in the dryer still work.
2. Goo Gone is a good product. You can find it in Walmart in the laundry section.
1. Call yourself the queen of Science Fair Projects and document the whole thing with photography to use in your kids' next Science Fair. I wish I had thought of that earlier today. Dang.
UPDATE: The Sharps arrived. Secrets are: they brought our grill, which we didn't have room for. And steaks. Quinn grilled them for supper. And now I'm sing Hallelujah. All is forgiven in the area of black, oil-based crayons.