Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Happy Freakin' New Year

We had a great New Year's Eve. I even stayed up until 12:30 playing Mexican Train with my honey, Rachel, Heath, and Twoey. I did fall asleep a little bit at the table. I always feel a little ridiculous when I'm sleepy. First, because I start getting a wee bit delirious, saying stupid jokes and laughing too loud. Then, I start falling asleep wherever I am. This almost always ends with me announcing (too loud and sounding tipsy) "I'm going to bed now".
Ah well, to know me is to love me.

So now it's the new year. I don't make New Year's Resolutions. I used to, but I don't anymore. Mostly because they were always the same and I hate my words coming back to kick me in the butt. My words kick me in the butt enough now.

Sample New Year's Resolutions of the past:

Lose 10 (or 20, 30, or whatever) pounds. Since I'm constantly obsessed by this, I don't make a new resolution to become MORE obsessed. I certainly don't need a tutorial on how to be more OCD.

Eat healthy. I could do more of this. I drink mass tons of water, but I lack in the actual eating healthy department. To me, making the choice to eat either cantaloupe or Triple Chocolate Bundt Cake is a no-brainer. Chocolate Cake will win everytime. How do people actually make the choice to actually eat cantaloupe instead of chocolate cake?

Exercise. This is very important. Im-por-tant. Yep. You should exercise. I go through exercise phases. I have a hard time running in the winter. It hurts my lungs. So I'm trying to figure out my new phase. I've recently started doing Pilates (well, not in the past week and a half) that come on Oxygen at 5 AM. He's (that's right: HE) very annoying and Quinn has renamed it PervPilates. I actually don't want to give up running, but going outside when it's cold is like a death sentence.

Be more creative in my clothing. I do believe I have kept this one overall. I soon as I purchased a pair of red, open-toed, patent slingbacks (that I actually wear) I felt brave enough to do some of my own fashion stuff. Thanks to Wendy Russell (who always has on a pair of fabulous shoes) and Virginia (who's essence is creative). And, of course, to Stacey and Clinton (What Not to Wear), fashion icons.

To be the best mother I can be. Oh please. I fail so much because of my own flesh, I certainly don't need a reminder of my own delusional, lofty thinking. Thank goodness the gospel is always true when I'm a lousy mother. For me and my children.

To be the best wife I can be. See previous.

To not procrastinate. This one is probably the most discouraging. I hate putting things off to the last minute, and yet, I do. I tell myself I work better under pressure. However, I have yet to be prescribed anxiety medication and "pressure" just really turns me into a "pressure cooker". I get very frustrated with myself when I fail to perform (I always think of performing dogs when I say the word perform) correctly- well, correctly according to my own standards of annoying perfection. I'm actually not a perfectionist, I just want YOU to think I am.

To read my Bible everyday. Not happening. I actually stopped doing "devotions" because I felt like I was only doing it to "check it off my to-do list". I think the word "devotion" is delusional anyway. How about I'm devoted to my own sinful, selfish ideals. Doing devotions was my way of telling myself I wasn't as bad as so-and-so. "Look at me, I did devotions!" I always felt proud of myself for accomplishing this task. Whatever. It's interesting that we are "grace" people and yet we set these little hoops up for ourselves to earn brownie points with God. He is pleased with His own Glory and not my 10 minute, 20 minute, or 30 second Bible reading. I realize knowing God is knowing His word and there are lots of ways to learn to know Him. Showing grace to someone else, teaching children theology, giving the gospel to a friend who is discouraged (or to a stranger who is discouraged), being taught by my husband, watching creation, going to a Bible study, or sitting still and remembering Scripture are all ways to know and remember God. It is important to read the Bible, but not to be self-righteous about it. I'm prone to self -righteousness. I'm still trying to figure this stuff out.

In general, "try harder and do better" generally drives me crazy. I guess because I tend to set up impossible, unattainable goals for myself in the hopes of attaining affirmation and glory. Now it's 2008. I'm thankful for my family and the things God as allowed me to have right now. Who knows what this year holds? The sovereign, gracious Creator of the Universe knows me and loves me. I'll try to remember that. That's pretty much the best I can do.


HEWY said...

Ok, I give up. What is a mexican train? Happy new Year!

Kim said...

Mexican Train is an awesome Dominoes game that you can find at Walmart, etc. It's probably just glorified Dominoes. I've never actually played regular Dominoes, so Mexican Train is it for me. My uncle Wayne taught me how to play a couple of years ago and it's great to play with a lot of people. The rules vary (they're kinda vague in the directions) but it's a lot of fun.

heather said...

Mexican Train is way fun. We should play it at community group sometime. I have also given up resolutions. I don't want to say all the things I am failing at in order with a deadline. So not a good way to start the new year.

Missy said...

I love new years...it's nice to feel like you can start over.

I love Mexican train dominos too. We will play it the next time I see you.
Happy New Years!

Burt said...

Feliz Año Nuevo

Anonymous said...

Great post girl!

-C said...

I love your writing style and could relate to so much that you voiced ... especially the devotion one ... I feel much of the same way yet feel battered by those older who insist that a quiet time is essential to walk in His spirit. But, I'm with you too that I'm still working it out. Nice to know that we're in a similar boat. Happy New Year!

Anonymous said...

o, how i do love your post, mrs. hill! i miss you girlie! we must get together soon!

Kim said...

Dear friend, I love that I've gotten to know you better through blogging. Be encouraged. Those women struggle with that, too. They may not admit it, but human is human. I think that knowing other women struggle with sin and humanity is more of an encouragement than anything. Weakness shows you're human. An older woman who admits to me that she doesn't have it all together is more real to me than the woman with the plastic smile and a "I'm fine" everytime you pass by her. There's death and despair in her eyes. It has meant more to me in my Christian walk to go to someone's messy house and her drop everything she's doing to have coffee with me and encourage me in my despair. She loves me and she's sharing the gospel with me and showing me the grace of God. It has made God more real; more tangible to see that a sinful, broken-hearted believer struggles and looks to her Savior and then shares with a newer, weaker Christian her reflections. It's safe to be with a believer who loves for you. I thank God for my church!