Today I'm sad for the Burgess loss. As many of you have heard, Rick (from Rick and Bubba's Morning Show) and his wife, Sherri lost their youngest child, Bronner, when he drowned on Saturday afternoon after falling in their pool. From what I understand, Momma went to take a shower while the children were watching television, and somehow the baby managed to get away and open the back door and fell in the pool. She came back from taking a shower and saw the back door open and found him; by that time, it was too late. Rick was out of town speaking at a youth retreat in Gatlinburg when he heard. It absolutely breaks my heart. I cannot imagine their horror and grief. Yesterday I spent most of the afternoon crying, thinking about that poor woman. My baby woke up from his nap and I held him and kissed him and felt his warmth. Felix and Bronner were about eight weeks apart.
I live in fear of our swimming pool. I had panic attacks this summer randomly, thinking about the baby. He fell in three times (at least), once riding his little scooter into the pool about 30 minutes before company arrived to eat dinner. I jumped in, fully clothed, to get him. The other two times I was right there and got him right away. I remember going jogging one morning in late summer and suddenly fearful that he had fallen in the pool. I sprinted to the car and rode home, sobbing, only to find him sitting on his daddy's lap reading a book.
So I fear. And yet, do I even trust God? God will glorify Himself. I know He will glorify Himself in Bronner's death. I heard Maja say once that God is not safe. He loves us and call us, but He asks of us what we think we are not capable. He takes our children. Her second oldest was killed in a car accident when she was twelve. And God glorified Himself in her death. We live in their poolhouse because of her death. God provided through her death. Why did He choose that way? What will He call me to do? I cannot imagine losing a child. Dear God, what do You have entailed for me? I am overcome with sorrow. This world is not my own.