Saturday, August 23, 2008


I am a highstrung person. I am neurotic and obsessive. I am overdramatic and sensitive. And think about stuff too much.
Consequently, I don't sleep well all the time. I envy people who sleep well. I have a lot of nightmares.

I woke up sobbing yesterday morning because of this dream...
I was wandering in a forest. Sometimes Quinn was there and sometimes he wasn't. I started to become frantic, looking around the trees and running-calling a name that I couldn't hear. Quinn would appear for a short time and then disappear. My three boys were not with me. I finally found what I was looking for: a baby. I am sure it was my own baby, even though I had never seen it. It was covered in dirt and it was not alive. I was screaming and holding the baby, trying to feel for a pulse.

And I woke up sobbing.
It was disturbing to me.
I am still thinking about it.


Anonymous said...

Early on in my pregnancy I was having very disturbing nightmares of terrible things happening to children at or around Brandon's age. Some of them were kids from our church. It always involved a life and death situation. The worst one was I dreamt the house was on fire and I could not get to Brandon and I hear him screaming in his crib for me. I close my eyes and still see it and hear it. I hear where you are coming from. Lots of times I woke up shaking and crying hysterically. It made me fear going to bed at night because of what I might dream. I talked with Brian about it and I am pretty sure it meant that I had all these worries about bringing a new baby home and how Brandon would deal with it. Like I thought he would feel like he's being replaced. The only thing that has helped me is praying about it. Praying that God would protect me from those horrible images because it is not real, though it feels very real. All the emotions and the reactions are as real as they can get without actually being there. The mind can be a damaging thing and unfortunately you can't control what you dream. Pray for God to give you peace, calm whatever worries you have, pray it all the time, not just at night before you go to bed. My hormones right now are making me a crazy worrier and the only thing that helps me is prayer. I will pray for you too. I will pray that God will make those images dissappear from your memory forever. And he will give you peaceful sleep.

Another helpful thing for me...Tylenol PM. Just take one at first, sometimes I feel hungover if I take two.

Missy said...

Wow, I have chill bumps.
That is disturbing, and I am sorry.
Go eat some nice big chunks of chocolate and try to foget all about it.
Think about funny things, like friends that fall, and musicals, and phantom of the opera ( I guess that is a musical), and trips to the beach, and sex...I'm just sayin, anything to get your mind off the dream

care-in said...

Wow...that is crazy.