Happy With Myself?

9/11


Well, today is 9/11. What a very sad, horrible anniversary. I had just found out that I was pregnant with the Si-guy and Quinn was off work that morning. We watched the Today Show in absolute horror. I will never, ever forget the fear and dread of that day. Even now, the footage just brings back that exact same feelings and I am back on that couch, unmoving and sobbing. I kept just saying 'surely there's nobody in those buildings... they've evacuated them haven't they?' And then I would see someone jump out the window. Oh dear God, the memory is torture itself. The horror of that day! Jason and Michelle (family-link to the right under Littles) had been to New York several weeks before and had had breakfast in the World Trade Center Restaurant. I, myself stood on top of one of the twin towers on an unforgettable trip to New York with some FBC friends in 1995. That's what I think when I look at pictures from that day. I stood up there and saw New York and laughed with my friends and took pictures. Crazy. What if it had been that day? At 20 years old, I had no knowledge of the bombing that took place there two years earlier. Mostly because I was completely ignorant of the news.
So now what do I think? The future freaks me out. I have three children and they are growing up in a scary society. No doubt, we will be a completely socialized government in 10 to 20 years (or at least medically). What will their lives be like with their wives and children? I have a good friend who was a bridesmaid in our wedding (Jodi) who lives in Canada. After having her little boy I asked her about her birthing experience. Did she have an epidural (women just ask these things, you know) and she laughed and said "you don't get an epidural in Canada unless you have a C-section". Think about that! Yikes!
The gospel is ringing in my ears now and I know that my children are being raised knowing the gospel. Christ is our only hope and we are hopeless without Him. I think about other countries, like China, who are not allowed to have the gospel and their country is busting at the seams with believers. Not just lame ducks like me either, but people who are alive and burning with it. Do I really want to be on fire? Of course, I'll say YES, because that is what I'm supposed to say, but really? What is it like to be trembling with fear and pain and refusing to recant the gospel? I don't know. I don't know. Will I ever? It's a possibility. It's a huge possibility with our kids. What's next?