Happy With Myself?

The Essence of My Life

What does my life smell like? It depends on your perspective. Sometimes it smells like piles of dirty laundry being ignored in the hall or mildewed socks that were discarded wet... in the corner... in shoes... two weeks ago. Sometimes it smells like Tide and Bounce and I enjoy smelling every piece of clean laundry (really, every single piece).

Sometimes I come in the house and squint my eyes and wrinkle my nose and say "what is that smell?'' Then I look for it until I find and discard it in the outside trash. Sometimes I come in my house and smell Pot Roast that has been cooking for six hours and breathe deep and sigh. My favorite smell is a baking triple chocolate bundt cake that is almost done. Or chocolate chip cookies. Or banana bread. Or pumpkin pie. Or maybe a giant turkey with gravy, sweet potato casserole, green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, Yankee dressing (what I refer to as my dad's most delicious white bread dressing... Perhaps I should say what Quinn refers to as my dad's dressing. Either way, it's magnificent.), and yeast rolls. Yum, I love food. I absolutely adore the smell of something yummy cooking in the oven.

Sometimes my house smells dank and unopened. It feels dark and smells of air conditioner. This time of year I love to open the windows in the morning and let that cool air drift through the house. It smells of fall. I can never fully explain the smell of fall. And I almost want to dread it because I detest being freezing, but then the end of September comes and I am in love and dream of boots and trouser jeans. I love the smell of a great candle, like vanilla bean or pumpkin spice.

Sometimes the smell of sweat overwhelms you in the house. Especially after exercise. And boys, with Crocs. Blech... Crocs make for nasty smelling feet. But then there is baby bath and Pert Plus and the boys are edible again and ready for cuddling. And the shower that I dread, especially when I wash my hair. Mmmm, my mother-in-law gave me this brown sugar scrub that smells so good and I love the smell of Pantene shampoo. Clean: hate to get there, but love to be there.

Sometimes I feel like that I'm repulsive in every way. I hate the way I look, or the way something fits. I hate that I overeat and that I'll never weigh 115 pounds. I just feel that, no matter how much I roll in my own perfume, I still have never recognized that it is my own filth and my love to revel in it outweighs the love for my Saviour. My life seems to be this never ending circle of faith, pride, unbelief, destruction, consequences, and repentance. He sees me differently and poored out Himself for me. How can that be? The essence of my life... I am clothed in the finest of robes though I see rags and I smell of the finest perfume though I deserve my own filth. Grace greater than all my sin!