Thursday, March 27, 2008

Ticker

So, woke up at 4AM. Annoying. It's been happening more and more often these days. I wake up with the perverbial ticker of thoughts going through my head. I actually think it's a pretty loud ticker because of how EARLY IT WAKES ME UP. My mother said it's genetic, but isn't the facial hair enough?

Thoughts that are currently running on the ticker:

Are we really moving to Mississippi? What? (why does this still not seem like a reality for me?)How on earth am I going to find piano students once we get there? What is Quinn going to find for work? Is it even fair for him to work? Where are we going to go to church? Will it be anything like Community? (not possible) I really need to start trying to pack stuff. Or purge more stuff. Where can I find a 3/4 sleeve light, fitted jacket for spring/summer for under $10? How much will I weigh when I go to the OB/GYN for my yearly check-up? (I loathe getting weighed at the doctor's office) I need to go to the library. We are completely out of checks, but I don't want to get more because we will have to switch banks once we move and a box of checks is $35. It stresses me out to not have checks. Although we really don't need them anymore, I guess. Tonight Lost is on. Will they play last week's episode that I missed? I need to register for that 5K that is next Saturday today so that I can get my t-shirt (gotta have the t-shirt to announce to the world that I ran a 5K- Ta Dah!). I really need to finish Christ of the Covenants so that I can read some fiction. (guilt) I really need to be better at ________. (this one keeps repeating itself with a new word entered in the blank) How will the boys do in school next year? How will Corin do on the SAT's in April? Will he reflect my excellent homeschooling abilities? (stifling a laugh).... sigh

There's my ticker. It's like my alarm clock that wakes me up at 3AM or 4AM. This morning I gave up trying to go back to sleep to just get up and start the day.

Lately, I feel like I've been avoiding issues of my heart. I'm usually so busy that it's easy to brush them away. I'm very glad that I teach 4/5 year old Sunday School class, because at least I am hearing myself talk about Jesus to the children. How easy it is to forget to talk about Jesus with my own! My own complacency is a heavy weight. I read my ticker (or see my ticker in my brain) and realize that all those things will take care of themselves. None of them are of supreme importance; I just "need" to worry about something. He always provides for my needs. But still, the ticker ticks...

The day beckons...

8 comments:

Missy said...

You and I have opposite sleep patterns. My ticker will keep me up until 3 a.m. It's very annoying.

No aki mis chicabee. Pretend you are "Nell"!

Kim said...

Huh? I haven't seen Nell since we saw it together many moons ago. "Chicabee" I remember vaguely that was the sister. Right? Help me out.

heather said...

Ya'll is crazy. My ticker also keeps me up until late, but lately it wakes me up and I can't go back to sleep. Thankfully it doesn't wake me up until a decent hour.

Melissa said...

I saw the time on the email that you sent back to me was 5AM and I just knew that you woke up at 4. I have two words for you: Tyelnol PM. Works wonders....

I am right there with you about the heart thing. I haven't brought my "heart" to church for a while now. It's something Jesus and I are discussing at the very moment. There are other issues there. Mainly about other people. But in my worry I forget about me and Jesus. Here's hoping our issues get worked out...

JBL said...

At least your ticker produces decipherable thoughts. I can't get to sleep some nights because of a mental kaleidoscope - images and thoughts that might make sense on their own, but together? at the same time? it's soup. Too much caffeine I think.

(voice in your head: "We're not really moving. We're safe here, comfortable, happy. Why would we leave that?")

Just thought I'd give it a shot.
Love to you and the boys. Tell em OJ says hey.

Missy said...

I think chicabee was just what she called the other lady. Maybe it was the sister. I can't remember now...just remember us saying that.

bananzattack said...

I know this is not the point but, you can ask them not to tell you the number when you are weighed. :-) My ticker acts up more when I am stressed at work.

care-in said...

First of all, don't worry about the SAT's. Every year my class takes them I walk around and look at the answers they choose. I cringe when I see them marking silly answers that I know should be easy for them. Sometimes they get tired or aren't good test takers or start to second guess themselves. Just encourage him to make a good guess if he has to.

I remember having some of those same thoughts and feelings when we moved to Dallas to go to DTS. We didn't feel like making new friends so it took us a while to warm up to the city. Use the school as a resource, that is why they are there.