Happy With Myself?

I'm listening to Citizen Cope. He's fabulous. And he seems to go perfect with a stormy afternoon. Today has been one of those wierdly perfect days that just fits with the universe. Mundane activities, a run with my hubby, a short shopping trip to exchange something (all by myself), a theology discussion with my husband, and the boys getting along well (even with the punishment of no TV for the whole day), and now the opportunity of blogging while Quinn plays hide and seek with the boys just makes for a really nicely put together day.

I'm enjoying it immensely.

I was thinking about college life today. Well, I spoke to my Rachel (Williamson) earlier who is now 20 years old (close your mouths, I know I'm old) and listening to her college life and it made me think about mine. College was a glorious experience for me. High School just pales in comparison to the fun (I mean the vast deal of knowledge I gained) in college. My mother, I think, really wanted me to go to college to just GO. I really just wanted to get married and have babies, following in the family tradition of marrying young and getting pregnant immediately. This was what I thought I truly wanted. Living the dorm life did sound appealing though and I found out at the age of 18 that I got three free roundtrip flights a year on Delta (my Dad worked for Delta forever) until I turned 23. Dorm life and travel. Okay, I'll sign up. I would probably just get married after my first year in college anyway. That's what a lot of Bible College girls did anyway.

So I had a lot of fun. I did have a brief stint out of school (when you cut school and don't do any work you get kicked out) which was humiliating and a monumental life lesson. I traveled a LOT and did some crazy stuff which I would never do now. Well, I still would go repelling and I just recently went camping with a bunch of women with no men and 9 children, and I still do stupid stuff for talent shows and enjoy a crazy night out with the girls where other tables just look at us in utter annoyance for being so loud. So maybe I should say... I did crazy stuff then and now. I don't know. I had a lot of fun in college. But...

Didn't get married until I was 24. So those 6 years (that's right, 6 years for a bachelor's... wanna make something of it?) were chock full of romantic frustrations and disillusionment for me. Well, maybe not all 6 years. Quinn and I did decide to get married in the fall of 1998. So maybe... 4 1/2 years of romantic frustrations and disillusionment and a year and a half of sexual frustration. Looking back, I see how God used that time to teach me and show me how much He much He knew and loved me. I did travel a lot and I did enjoy dorm life a bunch. But I also was looking for my future around every corner and waiting for Mr. Right to just sweep me off my feet. Some days were very lonesome. I kept thinking every year "surely I will get married before I am _____." And that year would pass and I hadn't even met (so I thought) the man I would marry. Not only that, but I also seemed to sabatoge any relationship, so that I thought I would NEVER marry. No man would have crazy, sabatoge girl for a wife. (Quinn's so sweet; he likes Crazy, Sabatoge girl).

God is sovereign. He knew and knows what is best for me. It seemed he was silent when I prayed I wanted to get married. And He was just telling me to wait.

"I am confident in this very thing, that He who created a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus."

He's still not done, though I am very satisfied with my life. This is what I've always wanted! It makes me a little nervous knowing that there is unknown out there but at least I can comfort myself knowing that is unknown to me perhaps, but He knows and has just asked me to wait.