Monday, February 04, 2008

Worryitis

I woke up an hour ago (2:30) too warm and with an acute case of the worries. I'm yawning as I type, so hopefully that means that I can go back to sleep before Monday morning begins. I thought just voicing my thoughts would help me get some clarity and that my lovely friends would remind me with just Whom I'm dealing.


We're not 100% about going to Jackson yet, but I know we're probably going to seminary very soon. Seminary has always made me nervous because of the expense. There are scholarships and church matching grants available, so I hope we are able to qualify for those. I think what has me worried and up in the middle of the night is just HOW the Lord is going to have us live. What does my life look like in seminary? I'm nervous about leaving the baby (who's not a baby anymore) if I were to work. Actually, working outside the home is giving me a little anxiety. I haven't had to put together a resume in years. Unless we decide to put the boys in a private school (which would have to work out by a miracle), they will be going to two different elementary schools, which makes me nervous. What about Quinn? Will having a part-time job be too much for him? There are a hundred different little worrisome thoughts swirling in my head. I'm even worrying about food and such, even though that's ridiculous. We've never gone hungry and I pursue cheapness in many ways.


I feel that we are pursuing a call. I know the Lord will provide for our needs. Hello, we are living in the Clayton's pool house, which is what I'm reminded of when I'm worried about the Lord providing. I guess I'm just fearing the unknown. What does the future look like for us?

13 comments:

Amy said...

Um, hello, Kim this is from the girl who's husband quit his good, cushy job with a nice church/income/insurance and is planting a church with no known major supporters/other churches promising $$ support. Push ol satan out the door and sit back for the ride of your life! Almighty God has placed a call on your husband's life (this includes you too!!)and has every little detail all laid out. How exciting! I canot wait to hear how He does it!
Okay, seriously...I know your thoughts!But you cannot think about this rationally, because God does things so out of the ordinary! Have you ever thought..."what a boring God"??? He is just so cool in the way He does things - He loves you so and I believe He will continue to protect and provide for your sweetest treasures- it is SO easy for Him! Praying for you to kick ol satan out of the pool house today!

Ginger said...

2:30 in the morning worry isn't rational at all! Sit today and reflect on how much the Lord has provided you just in the last year! WOW! He's given you guys this call and he WILL do it all for you and give you a desire for it as well. Hello, at least you're not going to a foreign country w/ kids and "promised" support, with NO way of getting a job if you needed the money! I was up at 2:30 too! Not worrying, just sick, but still! Eat, rest and pray and He will give you peace! Love you sister!

JBL said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Melissa said...

Gosh, I feel so inadequate to even offer up advice but I'll tell you what I know. Change is hard. And in many ways it really can stink. But that doesn't mean it's impossible. Pray pray pray. It's the only way to keep your sanity during all this. Prayer will also bring you a sense of clarity to help you on those early mornings when you wake up worried. I love you dear friend. I'll pray for you too.

Virginia said...

I know *exactly* how you are feeling. It was really scary going to NC to seminary, knowing I would be our sole financial supporter, knowing we wouldn't know a single person there, etc. etc. Plus- we wanted to start a family- how would that work?

God truly provided for us in ways we didn't know... don't underestimate Him. It will all work out. I know that sounds very cliche`, but I know it will.

Hugs girly.

Paige M said...

Burt's sermon on Sunday convicted me of a lot. I worry about so much. I try to decide what God's "call" is for me. It is not up to me. You and Quinn definitly have a calling. And as Burt said in his sermon, the church supports you when it feels the calling is authentic. You will have tremendous support from the church, and it seems things are all falling into place for seminary. You have been a strong example to me that "God will provide". I have no doubt that you truly believe that. You just need to remind yourself, in the same way that you remind others all the time! Love you.

care-in said...

Seminary can be scary but there are a lot of helps for families. It may be easy for you to get a job on campus, there are a lot of wives that work in the offices at DTS. Xavier always wondered how the single guys did it without a wife and the single guys always wondered how the married guys did it. We'll be praying for you. The Lord provided for us in so many unexpected ways while in seminary...He'll amaze you!

Texas Aggie in Florida said...

God's economy is not our economy! Faithfully trust and just let Him blow you away with the details he already has lined up. If it's His will, things will just fall into place without your help. Relax! I know it's easier said than done. Listen, I gave up a cush life in Dallas for life in ministry and I must say, somehow we're WAY better off financially than we ever were, we have WAY less stress in our lives, and we are filled with joy. And I remember before our move feeling the same way you do, not knowing how in the world it would all work out and where we could live (housing is SO expensive here) but plans literally just started unfolding before our very eyes and it was all God orchestrated b/c we couldn't have done it better ourselves. Enjoy this exciting time. It's such a privilege to be used by God and so exciting to see Him working in our lives!

MattD said...

Last year 2 days before Heather and I closed on our new house I lost my job. Now, I would be lying to say that I wasn't worried, but I wasn't really "that" worried. Heather had confidence in me and more importantly in God. She amazes me. She didn't worry because she knew that I would do whatever it took to handle the situation as the head of the house. Also, she knew that God was in control of the situation. Sometimes we worry too much about the things taht really aren't that important. Thinking "what's God's plan for us?" God's will is simply to live in the Word, raise your children in the Word, spread his Word, and be repentant. In a nutshell. The other things are just that "things" that distract us from our purpose. Don't let Satan come between you and where God is leading you by worrying. Rejoice in the fact that He is takling you on a new adventure.

Kind of threw that out there in less than a minute or two so forgive the spelligns and randomness...

MattD said...

Busy at work..

Stace' said...

I know whom we've believed, and am persuaded that HE is able to keep those things that we commit to Him until that glorious day.

I'm praying for you.

Marsha said...

These are all great encouraging words of wisdom. You don't need me to add to this in anyway. Just know I am praying for you all. BELIEVE. TRUST. OBEY. REST.

Kimmi said...

praying for you, sister chick. God's here for you to vent, cry, rage, whatever. know that He can handle anything you throw at Him.

"Be still, and know that (He is) God."