Happy With Myself?

I hear steps over my head. Someone is in the kitchen getting a snack. Or maybe a drink. Perhaps some crackers? Maybe someone has taken out the hamburger I was supposed to take out of the freezer four hours ago. Who knows, maybe somebody is sneaking a cigarette while I'm downstairs. Maybe I'll ask for a drag.

It's so easy to fail here. Is that why God brought us to this place? So that I would see my sin more? I love to play perfect. I long for people to think I'm beautiful and have it all together. "Quinn sure is a lucky man to have a wife like that!" I measure my own righteousness all the time. Then we move here. I blow up at an emotionally unstable girl who has tried my patience and who is working through her own demons. I have an emotional breakdown at least once every few days, in front of the girls no less. I fail and fail and fail. Do they even see the gospel? How is that possible when I am such a mess? Could it be that Christ works through our inconsistencies? Or rather, despite our inconsistencies? Isn't it interesting that we still want to play perfect and Christ works in the way He does? We see our own glory and He eclipses it with His own.

He led us here for a reason. He is teaching us something. What is he preparing us for? I can only ask the questions. I'm the most impatient person alive and am going crazy for the answer.

I think I'll get a snack.