I AM A JERK
Yesterday, or maybe the day before, I was talking to my lovely sister in Florida. We had a lovely phone conversation and I missed her very much. She has four sweet children and I long to see them. Anyway, we are friends now, although we used to fight quite a bit when we were younger. We were also competitive, not in sports, but in social circles. She was, and is, very beautiful and I always felt that I was in her shadow. I'm sure that she, as a normal sibling, was jealous of things that I could do (of course, I never knew I could do anything good). These things we grew "out of" and became nice grownups. Now we are competitive in vague, subtle ways. It's hard to admit it, but there are still things I am jealous of her about.
She ran a 5K. Wow. I so cannot run a 5K. I was proud of her, of course. And I said as much. But, (this is where I am a jerk) my first thought was NOT how proud I was of her for completing a 5K before she turned 30. It was (sigh) "she better not be skinnier than me." Woah. bitchy. I am way too human. I so want to be a person who desires to seek Christ. Or maybe I just want to be viewed that way. Frustrating to be in this human shell.