Friday, October 13, 2006


Yesterday, or maybe the day before, I was talking to my lovely sister in Florida. We had a lovely phone conversation and I missed her very much. She has four sweet children and I long to see them. Anyway, we are friends now, although we used to fight quite a bit when we were younger. We were also competitive, not in sports, but in social circles. She was, and is, very beautiful and I always felt that I was in her shadow. I'm sure that she, as a normal sibling, was jealous of things that I could do (of course, I never knew I could do anything good). These things we grew "out of" and became nice grownups. Now we are competitive in vague, subtle ways. It's hard to admit it, but there are still things I am jealous of her about.

She ran a 5K. Wow. I so cannot run a 5K. I was proud of her, of course. And I said as much. But, (this is where I am a jerk) my first thought was NOT how proud I was of her for completing a 5K before she turned 30. It was (sigh) "she better not be skinnier than me." Woah. bitchy. I am way too human. I so want to be a person who desires to seek Christ. Or maybe I just want to be viewed that way. Frustrating to be in this human shell.


Michelle said...

I LOVED your story on my blog...I was peeing in my pants laughing.
Anyway we are all jerks, I think it's sweet how you acknowlegde it for what it is. You are a very honest girl. That's good. I have been decieving myself for a long time and I wrestled with God this week until he opened my eyes to what I really am. Now when I read the Bible I'm seeing things in a new way. Like I am not the prodigal son(sometimes I have been) I am the arrogant son that says "All these years I have been trying to please you and you never give me what you give to all those sinners". Now THAT'S jerky...try to beat that. God is so kind and gentle though that He let me try to have a case with Him and even though He obviously did win...He gives so much freedom and really I win too..something better than I "deserved".

Abbey said...

I have to argue with you on this one, girl...I KNOW you could run a 5K! I know this because I started out thinking the same thing about myself. I started in a beginner's running group last year and in 3 months ran my 1st 5K. When I started, I could only run for 1 minute at a time! My goal now is to enter the Mercedes 1/2 marathon in Feb. Take it from me...someone who had never run a mile in her life before last could totally do it.
As far as you & your sister, I'm actually kindof jealous of the jealousy becasue I've always wanted a sister!! So now I guess I'm a jerk! :)
Not that I want you competing with your sister, but I just wanted you to know that I know that you could run that 5K!

Michelle said...

I miss you!! Can't wait until you get all set up with your computer so we can chat. Do you remember the ANTS in your old apartment? THERE BACK!!!!