Friday, September 11, 2009

Ups and Downs

I should be unloading the dishwasher. And throwing in another load of laundry. And possibly sweeping the floors. Definitely packing my suitcase. And yet... here I sit. Well, I did clean the lint from the dryer so I'm good, right?

I've been a range of human emotions this week. On Tuesday, Quinn and I went to have a sonogram done of the baby. I've been dreading this appointment, more so than previous pregnancies, not because I've experienced problems, but because there reasonably could be problems. And I'm getting more neurotic as I get older. This actually has been my easiest pregnancy and THAT, my friends, is saying something. Anyhoo, the sonogram technician was fabulous and the appointment went off without a hitch. And I found out I'm having a GIRL! I was surprised and elated. How fun! Oh, the bows and shoes and dresses... You know I'm going to love it. Possibly the best part has been telling everyone I know. It's been good and my smile has just nearly hurt my face. On Tuesday night, I came home from Back to School night at Silas' school and our good friends, the Speeces, were here and had brought a lovely pink, smocked dress for our baby girl and strawberry icecream (pink) with pink tablecloth on the table, pink napkins, and a It's a Girl! balloon hovering over the table. What a lovely surprise!

And then on Wednesday my Pappy died. He was diagnosed in August with pancreatic cancer and then he died Wednesday. It was very fast. I knew it was coming. We all did. And then it happened. And now I'm flying out tomorrow morning, without my husband and children, to go to the funeral with my parents and sister and two of my nieces. And today I've been a basketcase. I burst into tears during carpool duty (which, by the way, if you burst into tears in carpool duty, then you are done with carpool duty for the day), and really just wanted to come home and sit next to my husband on the couch and not think about anything. Which is kind of what I've done, except that I can't stop thinking about the trip and the baby girl and my sweet little family and death and Pappy's amazing imitation of Donald Duck. He always smelled of pipe tobacco when I was a little girl, which I loved.

Sigh...

Somehow, Christ is glorified in this melting pot of emotions. My only consistent hope in this world of constantly changing happiness and sadness is Christ. And the tears will fall (from both happiness and sadness), but He is still my hope.

6 comments:

Abbey said...

So sorry to hear that Kim. It's a beautiful thing you could cry in carpool line duty, if you ask me. And it's a beautiful thing that you want to sit next to your husband in your grief. Those are two ways Christ is being glorified in this time. WHat would we do without Hope in death? Love to you from us.

michelle said...

I'm really sorry Kim. Love you.

seabird said...

I'm so sorry about your loss Kim.

Peyton said...

you are precious. i am praying for you. and im so excited about your baby girl.

Amy said...

:( loss is never easy...frankly death sucks.
I am sorry for your loss.

Missy said...

I love you my friend. We need a visit soon.