Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Today is Ash Wednesday. Last year, we were at Community Presbyterian (home church in AL), had a pancake supper with our congregation on Tuesday night, which was followed by information about Lent. My husband helped plan this meeting and I was planning Lent Sunday School lessons and the preparation of our hearts for Easter in Sunday School (teaching 4k and 5K). We've done this the past few years, and last year was the first year our church observed it together. I loved it. My jogging group would talk about the gospel during our runs and our general need for Christ, sometimes with tears and broken hearts. There's something about giving up something you enjoy (that may be very hard to do), to make you see your own lack of self-worth. It's very introspective. It's meant to be.
This year, I didn't even really think about it until yesterday, when I arrived at work and everyone was wearing Mardi Gras beads (apparently, Mardi Gras is a big deal in Jackson, MS), and the children made masks and such in their classes. Double blink. How could I forget? I enjoyed it so much last year. Did I enjoy it because I was participating with my husband and a group of good friends? Did I enjoy it because I participated in giving up something that I loved? Was my own self-righteousness the reason why I loved Lent last year? Pause... Our church does not "do" Lent here (as a whole- maybe some families do it independently) and Quinn has been swamped with schoolwork and has not thought about it. Guilt.
I loathe seeing my own self-righteousness.
And yet, seeing it breaks me and points me to the cross. My heart is filled with selfish ambition and my own self-importance. Lent is never about me. It's about Christ and me seeing my need for Him.